What is the difference
between a critique of a situation, event, or person and complaining? That is easy for me; when I do it then it is
a critique, but when others do it they are complaining. How I wish I was really that righteous and
could say that in all honesty.
I sometimes jokingly tell people that my
spiritual gift is criticism, but it is actually a confession of sorts. I have been trained, and I am inclined, to
analyze events and performance. I have
often demoralized people who work for me and with me by telling them how
something could have been better instead of thanking them, or complimenting
them on their efforts. I am grateful
that some of them had the courage to let me know they didn’t appreciate my “helpful”
comments. Evidently they didn’t want to
improve, but at least I learned something.
(I do hope you “get” sarcasm when you read it.)
I have caused damage to my marriage, to my
children, and to the staff and members of my church because of my “natural”
inclination. Now, sometimes I have been
really disappointed in someone’s performance or even in the circumstances that
God in his providence decided I had need to experience. Instead of rejoicing always, and in every
situation, I have certainly let God know that he could have done a better job
at providing, or guiding me, or controlling me or the situation. I may
not have balled my fist or yelled out at him, but certainly the attitude of my
heart was doing the same thing.
[My comments here are about fairly
superficial circumstances, and not that of “the dark night of the soul” or a
deep struggle with God about the death of loved ones, suffering, and injustice. Sometimes a very honest discussion with God
is necessary, but the only righteous conclusion of such an argument with God
has to be, like that of Job, where the Lord is acknowledged as justly and
righteously God in his wisdom and decision.]
I realize that I need lots of praise,
expressions of appreciation, and encouragement.
At times I think I have been desperate for it. My emotional well-being depended on hearing
from people I respected; that I was saying, doing, or being what they thought was
important and worthwhile. Yet, when others have looked to me, or listened out
for just one good word, I have been silent.
Their excellence and their contribution to my event or goals was what I
thought it should be and I walked away as if I took it for granted, which I
have far too many times. May God forgive
me, again. “…How good is a timely word.”
Proverbs 15:23
When we complain about people, especially
to other people rather than the one about who our complaint is about, we may be
guilty of slander. It is so easy of
course to “evaluate” others, to see their mistakes and failures. Sometimes when we are in authority we have to
hold those people accountable, correct them, or even to dismiss them from
employment. We have no right to mock
them, impugn their motives, or deride them to others. We certainly wouldn’t like it if they did
that to us, so when we do it we are guilty of not loving others as we love
ourselves. Guarding our tongues in this
can be difficult especially when we work in a place where we have to discuss
the performance or behavior of others and how they relate to the ministry or
organization for which we have responsibilities.
How we speak about the institutions we are
part of, (for whom we work or have been willingly associated with), also
exposes our integrity, our ability to respect authority, and our faith or lack
of it when it comes to reflecting out loud on how this or that institution
might be treating us or others. Some of
us feel free to disparage (from within) the very ministries, organizations, or
companies we are supposed to be building, managing, and helping to prosper.
I am often startled by how members of a
church or a denomination can at one moment vociferously denounce it while
remaining in it and even enjoying the blessings and privileges it grants them. “A perverse man stirs up dissension and a
gossip separates close friends.” Proverbs 16:28
This kind of grumbling seems to come out quickly and suddenly with
seemingly no self-awareness of hypocrisy.
I confess, all organizations and institutions fail to be perfect. It is sort of a logical necessity that fallen
human beings collectively working together will screw things up. What is amazing, by the grace of God, is what
actually goes well and is done well.
I am not abandoning the desire for
excellence. I certainly need to aspire
to greater and better achievement, to accomplishment, to good work. I need to stop cutting myself so much slack
in evaluating what I am doing and excusing my failures. However, I know I need positive response to
keep going, encouraging response from others to cheer for me on my run through
this life. If I need it so badly, then I
pray for God to open my mouth so I will let others know they are running well,
or even that at least they are still running when it looks so hard to do so. “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of
life…” Proverbs 15:4
We need to be careful with our grumbling,
with our complaints, with our astute observations of the weakness and
incapacity of others. We dare not insult
a very good and faithful God about his performance. What will we do when he demonstrates that he
can be really good at holding people accountable for the stupid things that come
out of their mouths and which expose their hearts?
No comments:
Post a Comment